WHY?!

That's what went through my head when the thing I had wanted for years got ripped away from me. For at least since high school, I have wanted to jump out of an airplane. When I got accepted into the Academy, I thought I would be a shoe-in for the jump program. I thought to myself, I won't let this slip me by. So I pushed, and when it came time to apply, I thought I did so correctly, even feeling like I caught an almost big mistake and considered my self grateful. But I didn't, I messed up the ranking system which made it so even my AOC couldn't get me into jump.

I was utterly heart broken, I had wanted it for so long, and even some of the people who didn't really want it had gotten it. And they loved to talk about it, almost seeming to stab and twist the knife already in. I couldn't understand. I didn't get why the Lord, as much as He knew I wanted this and I had worked for it, would take it away from me. I decided to accept that after all I had done to try and get a spot, this must be His will and it is time for me to move on. Though I did pray, I felt the only appropriate thing to tell the Lord was how I didn't understand, and pray for understanding. Because obviously getting mad, demanding fixes, all that would only make me bitter to my dearest companion.

So, I accepted what I had been given and said it was time to move on, it didn't lessen my want to jump, but strengthened my decision that what was happening must be the best thing for me, and I need to appreciate that. Like how I didn't get into the Academy the first time. Well, other things that got my hopes going presented themselves, like the EMT team and the engineering conference I took 1st at. I figured those would help compensate and did my best to be happy with what was happening.

Well, then Thursday morning, I see an e-mail about openings in the Jump/Soaring program that would be available if I gave up my leave. It was first come first serve based. I replied telling a sob story and really begging for a spot. I then got an e-mail that I was going to be jumping the first period and would lose two weeks of my leave. Dang, I was and am excited. I never got a direct answer about why I didn't get jump the first time, I never got that answer to help me understand, even now. I have simply gotten what I want. For me, it just kind of shows that I will get the things I need and jump is not something I need. But the Lord still does what He can to help his children.

Prior to this opportunity, there had been the opportunity to go to Bulgaria. But since I didn't have a passport I was not able to go. I was actually able to handle missing that just because I had learned to have faith that if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Things go on and what matters will be aided. So this might all sound petty, but it mattered to me.