Acting on What I Have

Acting on What I Have

I have been really struggling to figure out what I need to do to become a better leader. I have had some great examples, but I don't know that I am making the impact that they had. I guess they probably felt the same way, but that still doesn't comfort me. So I decided I had to do the little things. Leaders aren't great because of a few great deeds. No, I feel that what makes a leader is what he or she does in the little opportunities they have. But then there is the worry of being overly sentimental, fake, or just annoying.

Either way, I decided to do what I could when the chance came. Well walking to class I saw a freshman with a flag on his shoulder that I hadn't seen before. That meant he was a foreign exchange student who would attend the Academy as every other cadet does. I had the prompting to talk to him, I quickly ignored it until it came blasting through again. So in a battle against, well probably my own insecurity, I turned around and asked what country he was from. His African accent was very thick when he said "Gabon." I had never heard of this country so I asked where it was: Central Africa. How big is it, because some countries are crazy small. He said it was about the size of Colorado. Dang! That would mean low funding and a small military force. It's countries like these that really benefit from having a strong alliance with the US. I asked about his country's Air Force. He said they were very small but did have a few planes. He did say it was a big deal for him to come to the US Air Force Academy. I can only imagine.

These foreign students amaze me. Their countries find a way to get them to our Academy and then these cadets are almost guaranteed to become Generals back home. But if the Academy sends them home early, it can be devastating to the country and the cadet. There are severe repercussions  This means that most of the time they are way on top of their game. I like being around them, they complain very little, work hard, and have hard majors because that is what their country says they have to study. Most study Aeronautical Engineering, like me. I almost prefer being around them to many American Cadets. I find that sad. Thankfully I can learn from them and better myself that way.

Fun Surprises

Something fun and awesome happened today. I basically live in the mission field, but I am strictly forbidden from preaching. What a fun balance that is. Well I found out I am validating a final, and have an A in several classes! And then one of my friends, who constantly challenges my beliefs and seeks to use logic to modify my faith, decided to ask me a real tough question. One that any member of the church who wishes to stand by true doctrine will struggle with. He asked, "So did Joseph Smith (he's educated enough to know it's not John Smith) really say that the Book of Mormon was the most correct book on earth?" Dang! Either someone did their research or read something anti. Especially to have the quote so perfect.

I told him matter of factly yes he had. My friend is not particularly religious, but loves to punch holes in faulty religions. So he got a confused look on his face and said "even the bible?" Dang, this is really getting tough fast. Yep, even the bible I told him. I can see the thought cross his mind, "Ok, now Deakins has lost it." So I quickly jump in to tell him to think about the time, there were so many versions of the bible and many of the doctrines and truths had been changed through bad translation that at the time the book of mormon was the most correct of any book on earth. Because he is of a strong logical mind he immediately grabbed the idea and accepted it. He knew/knows the bible has errors because he likes to exploit those errors, and so it would make sense that a book recently translated by a prophet could say that the book is the most correct on earth. 

I knew it was a close call, and then he asked "so are you allowed to drink hot chocolate?" Now I know what happened, he encountered anti. Nothing else would get a the specifics of doctrine like anti would. So I thoroughly confirmed that I love hot cider and chocolate. Then he admitted his friend had sent him an e-mail, I looked at him and said "it was anti-mormon wasn't it?" This big smile crossed his face as he knew he'd been had. "yeah." Thankfully, he trusted me to shoot straight with him and was willing to consider me a higher authority than the anti. I know this is not typical of him because he would never ask a catholic or protestant to clarify, he would consider them uneducated about their own religion. But not me, and may have been the biggest compliment I have received in a while. 

Moral of the story. Study to know your doctrine in life. Question your doctrine so you will " be ready always to give ban answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you." (1 Peter 3:15) If you can question your doctrine and find answers, your own faith grows and you are more prepared for tough situations. I have to say I never thought this friend, my old roommate and main bully for several months, would develop this trust in me nor did I think we would become this close of friends. Happy stuff.

So, I have been meaning to do this for a while, but no excuses. Here she goes.

I made a mistake in following instructions twice for a Spanish project, the first one I cheated because the instructions said individual effort, oops. Restarted, and then still didn't follow the correct format. I told my teacher what happened the first time cause I wanted to be honorable, and then he said we needed to meet to talk about making mistakes. Uh oh, this can't be good. This teacher is a major in the Spanish air force and he used to be special tactics as a "JTAC". I thought I was in deep poo poo. I went in and he congratulated me on my last quiz score (83%, even the teacher thought I would fail) and then told me my project, which was a Spanish essay, was done really well but I needed to understand what mistakes can do.

Immediately I begin compiling my defenses and excuses for why I missed the instructions, because as a cadet you have to do that to justify yourself. Turns out I didn't need to do that, he wanted to tell a story. This could be just as bad as a short chewing out because now I have to stay awake. He began saying how he was reassigned from being a pilot to being in the special forces and how daunting it was to be in charge of really scary men. But that he adapted and soon had a mission to organize. The mission was rushed so planning was as well and the weather was not helping. He said he was in Bosnia and had to go somewhere. While on the road things didn't seem right. After talking to his NCO (a sergeant) his NCO said something didn't feel right either and suggested sending forward two scouts. He did just that, after a bit one of the scouts saw a huge snake to his right and right by the snake was a mine. The scout called a halt and said to look around for mine related items. My teacher said six inches or so in front of his boot was a trip wire. They immediately evacked out of there and my teacher went to his mission planning board because the board showed safe zones and unsafe zones. My teacher had believed in his rushed planning that the route he chose was a completely safe zone, but after looking a bit closer saw a "red dot" signifying an unsafe area. He then told me that he could have blamed a lot of things for that mistake, but in the end, it almost killed his whole group and at that point there would be no excuse for the mistake. So while it might be daunting, it is expected that I be perfect and don't make mistakes unless I can handle the consequences. It was one of the best lessons I have learned here and it wasn't even a chewing out. The teacher was super nice about it and told me to learn and keep performing well. I thought it would be good to share.

For a fun thing, today was what we call R&R, which stands for respect and responsibility. The main thing I got from it was to be a good leader I need to exercise the golden rule. Having grown up in the church, that is obvious to me, but it doesn't mean I can't improve. And then we had fun by climbing on ropes courses and doing rock climbing walls. Turns out I am a pretty good rock climber because I never failed at making it to the top when a lot of people did fail. But the big story I want to tell was about two Thunderbird pilots. The first, a captain, landed, did a back-flip out of his plane and then told the NCO he had exceeded the G-limit and left it at that. When a plane's G-limit is exceeded a six hour inspection must be done, so this NCO made sure that this arrogant pilot's plane was not fixed for a long while. The second pilot was a lieutenant. After landing his plane he humbly climbed down the ladder and told the NCO "I exceeded my G-limit, what do I need to do?" the NCO said "Sir, that's my problem don't worry about it" The lieutenant responded "no it's my problem and I'm gonna help" "Sir, the only thing you can do is hand me tools and read a checklist for six hours" and that's what the lieutenant did, and then he ordered pizza for the NCO and made sure he had plenty to drink. After that, the NCO would actually canabalize higher ranking officers planes to make sure that lieutenant had a working aircraft. I thought that was awesome.

That's all I got for now.

Adrenaline

I was just thinking about some idiots I know, I generally call them my friends, but I was trying to figure out why we get thrills from different things.

These people I kindly refer to as friends seem to like doing what they know is wrong in an attempt to get a rush. I don't really know what to classify a rush as, but it a fun and self produce chemical dump into the body that seems to affect the senses and thinking pattern. Because it creates a rapid change in emotion and thought it affects the whole body's system and seems to make it go into hyper drive. Thus the term rush.

Lots of things create this rush. Some that are self destructive include pornography, swearing, bullying, fighting, and doing things that you know will bring negative attention (this one the rush comes from an attempt to avoid the negative attention, such as the cops). Other things less destructive and likely encouraged by the Lord as a means of fun or recreation include working out, pushing yourself mentally and physically, learning a new/challenging skill talent. And then there are the things that just scare you to create an adrenaline burst.

Coincidentally the self-destructive activities are an easier way to get this sought after rush. But one of the over-looked catches is that the rush is not satisfying in the sense that the user leaves more unhappy than when he came to the activity.

But those things that better us, exercise and the like that I listed before. Those really leave us satisfied and better individuals. These are the things I go to for my rush. I love to work out and almost enjoy being sore. Pushing my mental limits in puzzles and school even seems to afford me this privileged chemical dump (that probably is why I am a geek and a nerd). Then there are the things I just love (like thunderbirds SCREAMING over head) and they are unique to me. But either way, I find things that don't bring me down.

So when I think about war and the hard rock music that puts me into that mentality, I start to wonder which category of thrill I am getting. Is it the self-destructive mentality. I know the music when just used for enjoyment is destructive, but when it is used in preparation, is it acceptable? I want to say yes, but I can't be sure. Because war, as taught by the Lord, is not meant to be a thing of glory and enjoyment. War should be one of the top reasons for me to sorrow. But when I think of serving in the greatest physical and mental capacity possible to me. So great that it comes to either I lose my life or that person who desires to rip away my freedom and the things I believe in must lose theirs. I get that thrill, that thrill that I must prepare and be ready or I will be beaten. And I do no favors to my country or family by dying. So I must not lose.

Maybe that is my answer. It is ok because I am preparing for my family and beliefs.

WHY?!

That's what went through my head when the thing I had wanted for years got ripped away from me. For at least since high school, I have wanted to jump out of an airplane. When I got accepted into the Academy, I thought I would be a shoe-in for the jump program. I thought to myself, I won't let this slip me by. So I pushed, and when it came time to apply, I thought I did so correctly, even feeling like I caught an almost big mistake and considered my self grateful. But I didn't, I messed up the ranking system which made it so even my AOC couldn't get me into jump.

I was utterly heart broken, I had wanted it for so long, and even some of the people who didn't really want it had gotten it. And they loved to talk about it, almost seeming to stab and twist the knife already in. I couldn't understand. I didn't get why the Lord, as much as He knew I wanted this and I had worked for it, would take it away from me. I decided to accept that after all I had done to try and get a spot, this must be His will and it is time for me to move on. Though I did pray, I felt the only appropriate thing to tell the Lord was how I didn't understand, and pray for understanding. Because obviously getting mad, demanding fixes, all that would only make me bitter to my dearest companion.

So, I accepted what I had been given and said it was time to move on, it didn't lessen my want to jump, but strengthened my decision that what was happening must be the best thing for me, and I need to appreciate that. Like how I didn't get into the Academy the first time. Well, other things that got my hopes going presented themselves, like the EMT team and the engineering conference I took 1st at. I figured those would help compensate and did my best to be happy with what was happening.

Well, then Thursday morning, I see an e-mail about openings in the Jump/Soaring program that would be available if I gave up my leave. It was first come first serve based. I replied telling a sob story and really begging for a spot. I then got an e-mail that I was going to be jumping the first period and would lose two weeks of my leave. Dang, I was and am excited. I never got a direct answer about why I didn't get jump the first time, I never got that answer to help me understand, even now. I have simply gotten what I want. For me, it just kind of shows that I will get the things I need and jump is not something I need. But the Lord still does what He can to help his children.

Prior to this opportunity, there had been the opportunity to go to Bulgaria. But since I didn't have a passport I was not able to go. I was actually able to handle missing that just because I had learned to have faith that if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Things go on and what matters will be aided. So this might all sound petty, but it mattered to me.

Catch up on Awesome

Alright so there's a lot I'm good at and a nearly equal list for my, well not so good. But on that list is procrastination and journaling. The prophets say to do it, my mom says to do it, my schedule says don't you dare, there are Netflix movies to be watched. But I am putting off the natural Danny and doing this...

One of the really fun things I am getting prepared to do it called CQ. I will be known as a CQ warrior, it is really a joke. But USAFA demands it of their sophomores. If I were to describe CQ in a few short sentences I would describe it thus:
          Sit at a desk at the end of a hall. Look down all three halls for permanent party                                                          (Sergeants/Majors/Colonels). If there is permanent party, stand up at attention, if the permanent party is an officer call the Squadron to attention unless you already have a higher ranking officer in squad. After he/she passes, sit down and resume Facebooking/homework (let's be honest, it is way to hard for this to happen)/ talking to whoever is chilling around the CQ. Once in a while make a call to a higher ranking CQ. Continue to be the secretary for the Squadron and get quizzed/hazed by the AMTs (Academy Military Trainers, they are Sergeants who make sure we are doing our job perfect). After your shift of 1 to 12 hours is up, run fast away from the CQ.

Things forbidden at CQ: Watching movies, playing games, falling asleep. I simply find it important to stay awake. The CQ stands for Charge of Quarters, it is supposed to be an alert system in the case of an "active shooter" or "bomb threat." I think it's a massive waste of time in that the benefit to cost ratio seems a bit off, but I'm not the boss or the man with the experience.

Anyway, that was a really long way of setting up the story I want to tell. So I was sitting CQ for A-hall, which has some different rules, like you only have to stand for a Colonel or General (crazy high rank, but it happens) and you have to wear service dress. A-hall CQ is allowed to watch movies and they must have two cadets sitting at a time, while Squadron CQ only needs one at a time. I think the two is in case we have an incident I am about to tell about. So I am sitting A-hall CQ, trying to write a paper for English but I just can't seem to escape from an online game. While there a Major walks up, chats a bit, and asks the borrow the phone...... in essence he ended up not reaching the guy and needed an escort across campus (since A-hall is open to visitors/guests/ and parties). This is why I think A-hall has us wear service dress and have two people there, so I could escort the guy across campus.

Well I am talking with him as we go and learn quite a bit of sweet stuff. He is stationed in Brazil, acts as a Brazillian Liason to the US, is a liason for the Academy (like Col Tafaute who helped me get in here), and does an untold number of other things for the government down there. Just before this place he was in Bosnia or something sweet like that. He is an academy grad, but has been a ROTC commander for an American University. When he found out I did ROTC he wanted to hear about what I saw in ROTC vs the Academy.

This is a topic I am particularly fond of because so many Academy cadets have a strong superiority mindset over ROTC cadets. I told him frankly that I enjoyed ROTC more because the camaraderie was stronger. I told him I thought they produced much better and less toolish leaders. I admitted that the training at the Academy far dwarfed that of ROTC just because we a permanently submerged in a military environment. I said I was still glad I came to the Academy because I believe there are things here I needed to be exposed to in order to have a successful career in the Air Force.

We talked about the quality of education here and at my two other colleges. I told him I was disappointed with the core classes and thought the other schools really did a superior job. I did mention that most of the classes not involved with my degree (economics, Military Strategic Studies, Military History, and such) were still really pretty cool. I still hate English, but can handle that one. I thought it was funny how he told me to really try to learn Spanish since he uses Portuguese daily. But it is probably sound advice.

In the end, he said that ROTC and Academy both produce some awesome leaders and some horrible leaders. He said for ROTC guys, they can quit ROTC and still be in college, but in the Academy you cannot quit the Air Force and stay in college. That makes ROTC guys have a bit more genuine motives. But he also said he didn't think ROTC guys would ever appreciate the Air Force as an institution like an Academy grad would having been through crap for four years. That was something I hadn't thought of.

In the end, we never found his guy, so I returned the Major to A-hall where he gave me a coin. I love coins. After that I continued to sit A-hall CQ for another few hours when all of a sudden tons of generals start walking into A-hall, turns out there was a meeting. So we start jumping to attention and Gen Gould sees us and comes over to shake our hands and say hi. I thought that was really cool of him because that didn't take much time but still gave us a really good impression of him just because shaking a 3-star general's hand is a cool deal.

I also had the opportunity to show a few Army guys around the Academy. The night before they are coming a senior (firsty) sends an e-mail begging for volunteers to do this. I figured why not and then he said we would have to be in service dress, but I had already committed so it was too late to withdraw. Service Dress is just hot and uncomfortable. But the Army guys were from the 101st Airborne, these guys have been a part of history ever since WWII. Turned out it was really good that I volunteered since I still knew all the stuff to talk about in the Academy as far a knowledge goes. I got to eat up on the staff tower with them (fancy food and fancy silverware). When it came time to drop them off, the Lt Col gave me a coin and another guy gave me an Air Borne patch. This is one of the few patches I would have ever wanted to wear if I had joined the Army, and it was even cooler knowing these guys were Rangers. As I was walking away, one of the guys tapped me on the shoulder. After I turned around he ripped his Airborne patch off his own shoulder and handed it to me. This thing showed wear, making it a lot more meaningful.

While showing them around, they had mentioned that they were all getting deployed to overseas in August. They mentioned different places, but the only one I caught was "Korengal Valley". That is the same valley that Restrepo took place in. It was/is considered the most deadly valley in the war. We watched a documentary on Restrepo, and well. Those guys might not all come back. I have always been ok with the cost of freedom. It is acceptable to me that men must die to keep tyranny at bay, and I feel completely confident in my decision to contribute to that price should the occasion call (of course I would rather make the enemy pay that price for attempting to take what I love so dearly, namely: freedom, family, religion, and peace of mind). But still I never had a major problem with that idea of death, but when I realized that this guy who ripped his own patch off for me might not return home, it really sunk a lot deeper.

In the end, those guys really improved my impression of the Army in general. Of course I have friends in the Army, and I love them, but as a whole I consider the Army the most pathetic branch. It's not that my stereotypes were wrong (they really just proved them right), but I did realize that they want so much the same thing I want. Yes, I should have realized that sooner, but I am a bit thick for being the best and brightest.

Funny annoyance, every so often we get pee tested. Without fail I always get picked. I hate it, we get a knock on the door at 0500 and have to go pee as someone stares us down. Yep, I got picked last week. Heard, then knock, opened the door, asked if it was just me and he said 'yeah'. At that point I screamed how much I hate urinalysis.

I have an econ teacher who has so far been very entertaining, but one day he was showing us his personal 'spending plan' (spending plan is a more positive word that budget). My partner in the class is another LDS guy, and he told me to check it out. Major Ratliff (the teacher) had a budget for tithing, fast offering, and church magazines. We decided to go ahead and ask if he was Mormon. Sure enough he was, we told him we were and he then even pointed to his food storage part of the plan. We thought that was just great fun to realize this. After that we were basically his favorite kids in the class.

SPARTAN RACE: I did one, without doing a play-by-play, it was super tough. Took 2ish hours to go 5 miles. I think we low crawled through mud for almost 1/4 a mile. I was so dirty and tired, but it was fun.

Avengers movie: see it, it is the best so far. Non stop funny awesome scenes, and they even managed to avoid being cheesy... ever. I was completely impressed.

Lastly, if you made it this far. You deserve to read. For Mother's day (I actually forgot until someone told me to remember) I decided to give my mom a treat by appeasing something she has been begging for almost six months for. I asked Willson on a date. I was nervous as crap, and even told her I had no idea what to do for the date. But I asked her on one. BOOM, done. Broke the year streak of no dates. Hope mom likes her present.

Sorry it was so long, but I needed to log it.

Time for somethings fun: My Spanish teacher, Major Reyes, is a super stud from some spanish country. I really like and respect him. But there is an LDS guy in my class that I am really good friends with, so Major Reyes named us Batman and Robin, making me Batman. Well today we had a Spanish presentation to give. We have been doing these throughout the year, but Major Reyes said we could work together if we wanted. So of course we did a presentation in Spanish based on Batman and Robin, where we played as thosed characters
Major Reyes loved it! To be honest I loved the presentation and all the other cadets in class thought it was awesome.

Today: I was just chillin, enjoying Pandora's music, and wasting precious time of Facebook, when Lt Col (formerly Major) Hutzell sticks his head in and asks if he can ask a favor. I casually turn around to see who it is, and then jump to attention so much that my chair goes flying back across the room. It was kind of funny how he looked at seeing me jump up. But he said that Lt Col Gryzen wanted to use my room for some ROTC cadets.

Well when it comes time for Role Call to end, I see my room is packed with like thirty people. SMSgt Helzer saw me and told me to come on in. Col Gryzen mentioned how Col Hutzell said this was an exemplary room and suggested it be used. I guess it was supposed to be a big compliment. I felt like we were just abiding the loose standards we have after recognition. I suppose that means some people just really let go, which I can see being the case. But that was nice to have that little compliment. It was fun to answer a couple JROTC kids questions.