I was just thinking about some idiots I know, I generally call them my friends, but I was trying to figure out why we get thrills from different things.
These people I kindly refer to as friends seem to like doing what they know is wrong in an attempt to get a rush. I don't really know what to classify a rush as, but it a fun and self produce chemical dump into the body that seems to affect the senses and thinking pattern. Because it creates a rapid change in emotion and thought it affects the whole body's system and seems to make it go into hyper drive. Thus the term rush.
Lots of things create this rush. Some that are self destructive include pornography, swearing, bullying, fighting, and doing things that you know will bring negative attention (this one the rush comes from an attempt to avoid the negative attention, such as the cops). Other things less destructive and likely encouraged by the Lord as a means of fun or recreation include working out, pushing yourself mentally and physically, learning a new/challenging skill talent. And then there are the things that just scare you to create an adrenaline burst.
Coincidentally the self-destructive activities are an easier way to get this sought after rush. But one of the over-looked catches is that the rush is not satisfying in the sense that the user leaves more unhappy than when he came to the activity.
But those things that better us, exercise and the like that I listed before. Those really leave us satisfied and better individuals. These are the things I go to for my rush. I love to work out and almost enjoy being sore. Pushing my mental limits in puzzles and school even seems to afford me this privileged chemical dump (that probably is why I am a geek and a nerd). Then there are the things I just love (like thunderbirds SCREAMING over head) and they are unique to me. But either way, I find things that don't bring me down.
So when I think about war and the hard rock music that puts me into that mentality, I start to wonder which category of thrill I am getting. Is it the self-destructive mentality. I know the music when just used for enjoyment is destructive, but when it is used in preparation, is it acceptable? I want to say yes, but I can't be sure. Because war, as taught by the Lord, is not meant to be a thing of glory and enjoyment. War should be one of the top reasons for me to sorrow. But when I think of serving in the greatest physical and mental capacity possible to me. So great that it comes to either I lose my life or that person who desires to rip away my freedom and the things I believe in must lose theirs. I get that thrill, that thrill that I must prepare and be ready or I will be beaten. And I do no favors to my country or family by dying. So I must not lose.
Maybe that is my answer. It is ok because I am preparing for my family and beliefs.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
WHY?!
That's what went through my head when the thing I had wanted for years got ripped away from me. For at least since high school, I have wanted to jump out of an airplane. When I got accepted into the Academy, I thought I would be a shoe-in for the jump program. I thought to myself, I won't let this slip me by. So I pushed, and when it came time to apply, I thought I did so correctly, even feeling like I caught an almost big mistake and considered my self grateful. But I didn't, I messed up the ranking system which made it so even my AOC couldn't get me into jump.
I was utterly heart broken, I had wanted it for so long, and even some of the people who didn't really want it had gotten it. And they loved to talk about it, almost seeming to stab and twist the knife already in. I couldn't understand. I didn't get why the Lord, as much as He knew I wanted this and I had worked for it, would take it away from me. I decided to accept that after all I had done to try and get a spot, this must be His will and it is time for me to move on. Though I did pray, I felt the only appropriate thing to tell the Lord was how I didn't understand, and pray for understanding. Because obviously getting mad, demanding fixes, all that would only make me bitter to my dearest companion.
So, I accepted what I had been given and said it was time to move on, it didn't lessen my want to jump, but strengthened my decision that what was happening must be the best thing for me, and I need to appreciate that. Like how I didn't get into the Academy the first time. Well, other things that got my hopes going presented themselves, like the EMT team and the engineering conference I took 1st at. I figured those would help compensate and did my best to be happy with what was happening.
Well, then Thursday morning, I see an e-mail about openings in the Jump/Soaring program that would be available if I gave up my leave. It was first come first serve based. I replied telling a sob story and really begging for a spot. I then got an e-mail that I was going to be jumping the first period and would lose two weeks of my leave. Dang, I was and am excited. I never got a direct answer about why I didn't get jump the first time, I never got that answer to help me understand, even now. I have simply gotten what I want. For me, it just kind of shows that I will get the things I need and jump is not something I need. But the Lord still does what He can to help his children.
Prior to this opportunity, there had been the opportunity to go to Bulgaria. But since I didn't have a passport I was not able to go. I was actually able to handle missing that just because I had learned to have faith that if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Things go on and what matters will be aided. So this might all sound petty, but it mattered to me.
I was utterly heart broken, I had wanted it for so long, and even some of the people who didn't really want it had gotten it. And they loved to talk about it, almost seeming to stab and twist the knife already in. I couldn't understand. I didn't get why the Lord, as much as He knew I wanted this and I had worked for it, would take it away from me. I decided to accept that after all I had done to try and get a spot, this must be His will and it is time for me to move on. Though I did pray, I felt the only appropriate thing to tell the Lord was how I didn't understand, and pray for understanding. Because obviously getting mad, demanding fixes, all that would only make me bitter to my dearest companion.
So, I accepted what I had been given and said it was time to move on, it didn't lessen my want to jump, but strengthened my decision that what was happening must be the best thing for me, and I need to appreciate that. Like how I didn't get into the Academy the first time. Well, other things that got my hopes going presented themselves, like the EMT team and the engineering conference I took 1st at. I figured those would help compensate and did my best to be happy with what was happening.
Well, then Thursday morning, I see an e-mail about openings in the Jump/Soaring program that would be available if I gave up my leave. It was first come first serve based. I replied telling a sob story and really begging for a spot. I then got an e-mail that I was going to be jumping the first period and would lose two weeks of my leave. Dang, I was and am excited. I never got a direct answer about why I didn't get jump the first time, I never got that answer to help me understand, even now. I have simply gotten what I want. For me, it just kind of shows that I will get the things I need and jump is not something I need. But the Lord still does what He can to help his children.
Prior to this opportunity, there had been the opportunity to go to Bulgaria. But since I didn't have a passport I was not able to go. I was actually able to handle missing that just because I had learned to have faith that if it doesn't work out, it's ok. Things go on and what matters will be aided. So this might all sound petty, but it mattered to me.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Catch up on Awesome
Alright so there's a lot I'm good at and a nearly equal list for my, well not so good. But on that list is procrastination and journaling. The prophets say to do it, my mom says to do it, my schedule says don't you dare, there are Netflix movies to be watched. But I am putting off the natural Danny and doing this...
One of the really fun things I am getting prepared to do it called CQ. I will be known as a CQ warrior, it is really a joke. But USAFA demands it of their sophomores. If I were to describe CQ in a few short sentences I would describe it thus:
Sit at a desk at the end of a hall. Look down all three halls for permanent party (Sergeants/Majors/Colonels). If there is permanent party, stand up at attention, if the permanent party is an officer call the Squadron to attention unless you already have a higher ranking officer in squad. After he/she passes, sit down and resume Facebooking/homework (let's be honest, it is way to hard for this to happen)/ talking to whoever is chilling around the CQ. Once in a while make a call to a higher ranking CQ. Continue to be the secretary for the Squadron and get quizzed/hazed by the AMTs (Academy Military Trainers, they are Sergeants who make sure we are doing our job perfect). After your shift of 1 to 12 hours is up, run fast away from the CQ.
Things forbidden at CQ: Watching movies, playing games, falling asleep. I simply find it important to stay awake. The CQ stands for Charge of Quarters, it is supposed to be an alert system in the case of an "active shooter" or "bomb threat." I think it's a massive waste of time in that the benefit to cost ratio seems a bit off, but I'm not the boss or the man with the experience.
Anyway, that was a really long way of setting up the story I want to tell. So I was sitting CQ for A-hall, which has some different rules, like you only have to stand for a Colonel or General (crazy high rank, but it happens) and you have to wear service dress. A-hall CQ is allowed to watch movies and they must have two cadets sitting at a time, while Squadron CQ only needs one at a time. I think the two is in case we have an incident I am about to tell about. So I am sitting A-hall CQ, trying to write a paper for English but I just can't seem to escape from an online game. While there a Major walks up, chats a bit, and asks the borrow the phone...... in essence he ended up not reaching the guy and needed an escort across campus (since A-hall is open to visitors/guests/ and parties). This is why I think A-hall has us wear service dress and have two people there, so I could escort the guy across campus.
Well I am talking with him as we go and learn quite a bit of sweet stuff. He is stationed in Brazil, acts as a Brazillian Liason to the US, is a liason for the Academy (like Col Tafaute who helped me get in here), and does an untold number of other things for the government down there. Just before this place he was in Bosnia or something sweet like that. He is an academy grad, but has been a ROTC commander for an American University. When he found out I did ROTC he wanted to hear about what I saw in ROTC vs the Academy.
This is a topic I am particularly fond of because so many Academy cadets have a strong superiority mindset over ROTC cadets. I told him frankly that I enjoyed ROTC more because the camaraderie was stronger. I told him I thought they produced much better and less toolish leaders. I admitted that the training at the Academy far dwarfed that of ROTC just because we a permanently submerged in a military environment. I said I was still glad I came to the Academy because I believe there are things here I needed to be exposed to in order to have a successful career in the Air Force.
We talked about the quality of education here and at my two other colleges. I told him I was disappointed with the core classes and thought the other schools really did a superior job. I did mention that most of the classes not involved with my degree (economics, Military Strategic Studies, Military History, and such) were still really pretty cool. I still hate English, but can handle that one. I thought it was funny how he told me to really try to learn Spanish since he uses Portuguese daily. But it is probably sound advice.
In the end, he said that ROTC and Academy both produce some awesome leaders and some horrible leaders. He said for ROTC guys, they can quit ROTC and still be in college, but in the Academy you cannot quit the Air Force and stay in college. That makes ROTC guys have a bit more genuine motives. But he also said he didn't think ROTC guys would ever appreciate the Air Force as an institution like an Academy grad would having been through crap for four years. That was something I hadn't thought of.
In the end, we never found his guy, so I returned the Major to A-hall where he gave me a coin. I love coins. After that I continued to sit A-hall CQ for another few hours when all of a sudden tons of generals start walking into A-hall, turns out there was a meeting. So we start jumping to attention and Gen Gould sees us and comes over to shake our hands and say hi. I thought that was really cool of him because that didn't take much time but still gave us a really good impression of him just because shaking a 3-star general's hand is a cool deal.
I also had the opportunity to show a few Army guys around the Academy. The night before they are coming a senior (firsty) sends an e-mail begging for volunteers to do this. I figured why not and then he said we would have to be in service dress, but I had already committed so it was too late to withdraw. Service Dress is just hot and uncomfortable. But the Army guys were from the 101st Airborne, these guys have been a part of history ever since WWII. Turned out it was really good that I volunteered since I still knew all the stuff to talk about in the Academy as far a knowledge goes. I got to eat up on the staff tower with them (fancy food and fancy silverware). When it came time to drop them off, the Lt Col gave me a coin and another guy gave me an Air Borne patch. This is one of the few patches I would have ever wanted to wear if I had joined the Army, and it was even cooler knowing these guys were Rangers. As I was walking away, one of the guys tapped me on the shoulder. After I turned around he ripped his Airborne patch off his own shoulder and handed it to me. This thing showed wear, making it a lot more meaningful.
While showing them around, they had mentioned that they were all getting deployed to overseas in August. They mentioned different places, but the only one I caught was "Korengal Valley". That is the same valley that Restrepo took place in. It was/is considered the most deadly valley in the war. We watched a documentary on Restrepo, and well. Those guys might not all come back. I have always been ok with the cost of freedom. It is acceptable to me that men must die to keep tyranny at bay, and I feel completely confident in my decision to contribute to that price should the occasion call (of course I would rather make the enemy pay that price for attempting to take what I love so dearly, namely: freedom, family, religion, and peace of mind). But still I never had a major problem with that idea of death, but when I realized that this guy who ripped his own patch off for me might not return home, it really sunk a lot deeper.
In the end, those guys really improved my impression of the Army in general. Of course I have friends in the Army, and I love them, but as a whole I consider the Army the most pathetic branch. It's not that my stereotypes were wrong (they really just proved them right), but I did realize that they want so much the same thing I want. Yes, I should have realized that sooner, but I am a bit thick for being the best and brightest.
Funny annoyance, every so often we get pee tested. Without fail I always get picked. I hate it, we get a knock on the door at 0500 and have to go pee as someone stares us down. Yep, I got picked last week. Heard, then knock, opened the door, asked if it was just me and he said 'yeah'. At that point I screamed how much I hate urinalysis.
I have an econ teacher who has so far been very entertaining, but one day he was showing us his personal 'spending plan' (spending plan is a more positive word that budget). My partner in the class is another LDS guy, and he told me to check it out. Major Ratliff (the teacher) had a budget for tithing, fast offering, and church magazines. We decided to go ahead and ask if he was Mormon. Sure enough he was, we told him we were and he then even pointed to his food storage part of the plan. We thought that was just great fun to realize this. After that we were basically his favorite kids in the class.
SPARTAN RACE: I did one, without doing a play-by-play, it was super tough. Took 2ish hours to go 5 miles. I think we low crawled through mud for almost 1/4 a mile. I was so dirty and tired, but it was fun.
Avengers movie: see it, it is the best so far. Non stop funny awesome scenes, and they even managed to avoid being cheesy... ever. I was completely impressed.
Lastly, if you made it this far. You deserve to read. For Mother's day (I actually forgot until someone told me to remember) I decided to give my mom a treat by appeasing something she has been begging for almost six months for. I asked Willson on a date. I was nervous as crap, and even told her I had no idea what to do for the date. But I asked her on one. BOOM, done. Broke the year streak of no dates. Hope mom likes her present.
Sorry it was so long, but I needed to log it.
One of the really fun things I am getting prepared to do it called CQ. I will be known as a CQ warrior, it is really a joke. But USAFA demands it of their sophomores. If I were to describe CQ in a few short sentences I would describe it thus:
Sit at a desk at the end of a hall. Look down all three halls for permanent party (Sergeants/Majors/Colonels). If there is permanent party, stand up at attention, if the permanent party is an officer call the Squadron to attention unless you already have a higher ranking officer in squad. After he/she passes, sit down and resume Facebooking/homework (let's be honest, it is way to hard for this to happen)/ talking to whoever is chilling around the CQ. Once in a while make a call to a higher ranking CQ. Continue to be the secretary for the Squadron and get quizzed/hazed by the AMTs (Academy Military Trainers, they are Sergeants who make sure we are doing our job perfect). After your shift of 1 to 12 hours is up, run fast away from the CQ.
Things forbidden at CQ: Watching movies, playing games, falling asleep. I simply find it important to stay awake. The CQ stands for Charge of Quarters, it is supposed to be an alert system in the case of an "active shooter" or "bomb threat." I think it's a massive waste of time in that the benefit to cost ratio seems a bit off, but I'm not the boss or the man with the experience.
Anyway, that was a really long way of setting up the story I want to tell. So I was sitting CQ for A-hall, which has some different rules, like you only have to stand for a Colonel or General (crazy high rank, but it happens) and you have to wear service dress. A-hall CQ is allowed to watch movies and they must have two cadets sitting at a time, while Squadron CQ only needs one at a time. I think the two is in case we have an incident I am about to tell about. So I am sitting A-hall CQ, trying to write a paper for English but I just can't seem to escape from an online game. While there a Major walks up, chats a bit, and asks the borrow the phone...... in essence he ended up not reaching the guy and needed an escort across campus (since A-hall is open to visitors/guests/ and parties). This is why I think A-hall has us wear service dress and have two people there, so I could escort the guy across campus.
Well I am talking with him as we go and learn quite a bit of sweet stuff. He is stationed in Brazil, acts as a Brazillian Liason to the US, is a liason for the Academy (like Col Tafaute who helped me get in here), and does an untold number of other things for the government down there. Just before this place he was in Bosnia or something sweet like that. He is an academy grad, but has been a ROTC commander for an American University. When he found out I did ROTC he wanted to hear about what I saw in ROTC vs the Academy.
This is a topic I am particularly fond of because so many Academy cadets have a strong superiority mindset over ROTC cadets. I told him frankly that I enjoyed ROTC more because the camaraderie was stronger. I told him I thought they produced much better and less toolish leaders. I admitted that the training at the Academy far dwarfed that of ROTC just because we a permanently submerged in a military environment. I said I was still glad I came to the Academy because I believe there are things here I needed to be exposed to in order to have a successful career in the Air Force.
We talked about the quality of education here and at my two other colleges. I told him I was disappointed with the core classes and thought the other schools really did a superior job. I did mention that most of the classes not involved with my degree (economics, Military Strategic Studies, Military History, and such) were still really pretty cool. I still hate English, but can handle that one. I thought it was funny how he told me to really try to learn Spanish since he uses Portuguese daily. But it is probably sound advice.
In the end, he said that ROTC and Academy both produce some awesome leaders and some horrible leaders. He said for ROTC guys, they can quit ROTC and still be in college, but in the Academy you cannot quit the Air Force and stay in college. That makes ROTC guys have a bit more genuine motives. But he also said he didn't think ROTC guys would ever appreciate the Air Force as an institution like an Academy grad would having been through crap for four years. That was something I hadn't thought of.
In the end, we never found his guy, so I returned the Major to A-hall where he gave me a coin. I love coins. After that I continued to sit A-hall CQ for another few hours when all of a sudden tons of generals start walking into A-hall, turns out there was a meeting. So we start jumping to attention and Gen Gould sees us and comes over to shake our hands and say hi. I thought that was really cool of him because that didn't take much time but still gave us a really good impression of him just because shaking a 3-star general's hand is a cool deal.
I also had the opportunity to show a few Army guys around the Academy. The night before they are coming a senior (firsty) sends an e-mail begging for volunteers to do this. I figured why not and then he said we would have to be in service dress, but I had already committed so it was too late to withdraw. Service Dress is just hot and uncomfortable. But the Army guys were from the 101st Airborne, these guys have been a part of history ever since WWII. Turned out it was really good that I volunteered since I still knew all the stuff to talk about in the Academy as far a knowledge goes. I got to eat up on the staff tower with them (fancy food and fancy silverware). When it came time to drop them off, the Lt Col gave me a coin and another guy gave me an Air Borne patch. This is one of the few patches I would have ever wanted to wear if I had joined the Army, and it was even cooler knowing these guys were Rangers. As I was walking away, one of the guys tapped me on the shoulder. After I turned around he ripped his Airborne patch off his own shoulder and handed it to me. This thing showed wear, making it a lot more meaningful.
While showing them around, they had mentioned that they were all getting deployed to overseas in August. They mentioned different places, but the only one I caught was "Korengal Valley". That is the same valley that Restrepo took place in. It was/is considered the most deadly valley in the war. We watched a documentary on Restrepo, and well. Those guys might not all come back. I have always been ok with the cost of freedom. It is acceptable to me that men must die to keep tyranny at bay, and I feel completely confident in my decision to contribute to that price should the occasion call (of course I would rather make the enemy pay that price for attempting to take what I love so dearly, namely: freedom, family, religion, and peace of mind). But still I never had a major problem with that idea of death, but when I realized that this guy who ripped his own patch off for me might not return home, it really sunk a lot deeper.
In the end, those guys really improved my impression of the Army in general. Of course I have friends in the Army, and I love them, but as a whole I consider the Army the most pathetic branch. It's not that my stereotypes were wrong (they really just proved them right), but I did realize that they want so much the same thing I want. Yes, I should have realized that sooner, but I am a bit thick for being the best and brightest.
Funny annoyance, every so often we get pee tested. Without fail I always get picked. I hate it, we get a knock on the door at 0500 and have to go pee as someone stares us down. Yep, I got picked last week. Heard, then knock, opened the door, asked if it was just me and he said 'yeah'. At that point I screamed how much I hate urinalysis.
I have an econ teacher who has so far been very entertaining, but one day he was showing us his personal 'spending plan' (spending plan is a more positive word that budget). My partner in the class is another LDS guy, and he told me to check it out. Major Ratliff (the teacher) had a budget for tithing, fast offering, and church magazines. We decided to go ahead and ask if he was Mormon. Sure enough he was, we told him we were and he then even pointed to his food storage part of the plan. We thought that was just great fun to realize this. After that we were basically his favorite kids in the class.
SPARTAN RACE: I did one, without doing a play-by-play, it was super tough. Took 2ish hours to go 5 miles. I think we low crawled through mud for almost 1/4 a mile. I was so dirty and tired, but it was fun.
Avengers movie: see it, it is the best so far. Non stop funny awesome scenes, and they even managed to avoid being cheesy... ever. I was completely impressed.
Lastly, if you made it this far. You deserve to read. For Mother's day (I actually forgot until someone told me to remember) I decided to give my mom a treat by appeasing something she has been begging for almost six months for. I asked Willson on a date. I was nervous as crap, and even told her I had no idea what to do for the date. But I asked her on one. BOOM, done. Broke the year streak of no dates. Hope mom likes her present.
Sorry it was so long, but I needed to log it.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Time for somethings fun: My Spanish teacher, Major Reyes, is a super stud from some spanish country. I really like and respect him. But there is an LDS guy in my class that I am really good friends with, so Major Reyes named us Batman and Robin, making me Batman. Well today we had a Spanish presentation to give. We have been doing these throughout the year, but Major Reyes said we could work together if we wanted. So of course we did a presentation in Spanish based on Batman and Robin, where we played as thosed characters
Major Reyes loved it! To be honest I loved the presentation and all the other cadets in class thought it was awesome.
Today: I was just chillin, enjoying Pandora's music, and wasting precious time of Facebook, when Lt Col (formerly Major) Hutzell sticks his head in and asks if he can ask a favor. I casually turn around to see who it is, and then jump to attention so much that my chair goes flying back across the room. It was kind of funny how he looked at seeing me jump up. But he said that Lt Col Gryzen wanted to use my room for some ROTC cadets.
Well when it comes time for Role Call to end, I see my room is packed with like thirty people. SMSgt Helzer saw me and told me to come on in. Col Gryzen mentioned how Col Hutzell said this was an exemplary room and suggested it be used. I guess it was supposed to be a big compliment. I felt like we were just abiding the loose standards we have after recognition. I suppose that means some people just really let go, which I can see being the case. But that was nice to have that little compliment. It was fun to answer a couple JROTC kids questions.
Major Reyes loved it! To be honest I loved the presentation and all the other cadets in class thought it was awesome.
Today: I was just chillin, enjoying Pandora's music, and wasting precious time of Facebook, when Lt Col (formerly Major) Hutzell sticks his head in and asks if he can ask a favor. I casually turn around to see who it is, and then jump to attention so much that my chair goes flying back across the room. It was kind of funny how he looked at seeing me jump up. But he said that Lt Col Gryzen wanted to use my room for some ROTC cadets.
Well when it comes time for Role Call to end, I see my room is packed with like thirty people. SMSgt Helzer saw me and told me to come on in. Col Gryzen mentioned how Col Hutzell said this was an exemplary room and suggested it be used. I guess it was supposed to be a big compliment. I felt like we were just abiding the loose standards we have after recognition. I suppose that means some people just really let go, which I can see being the case. But that was nice to have that little compliment. It was fun to answer a couple JROTC kids questions.
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